I have to admit, the primary motivation behind writing this post was due to Google analytics. For months, one of the most popular search strings entered as a referral for our site has been “why is spanking functional?” So, I figured, what the hell, let’s write an article about that so we rank higher on the search results and gain more visitors. Shameless, I know.
So, without further background, here is my explanation of why spanking is functional.
I’ll confess, I’ve spanked my oldest daughter. I started around when she turned 2 and I can’t help but need to spank her at least once per week. It’s not my fault – she just doesn’t listen. The most recent offense is telling her mother and I to, “Go away!” We tried a few retorts to this insult. First, we attempted reasoning – “that’s not nice!” “don’t say that!” Next, I actually left the room or house upon her command, to which she would instantly start crying for my return, “No, Daddy. Sorry, Daddy.” That kind of worked, but not really, she still continued to tell us to leave. Last resort – spanking.
But what’s a father to do? Simplistically, if all other means fail to drive change, then you need to resort to an action that will provide solutions. That’s the functional thing to do, and that’s why spanking is functional.
I’ll confess, I was tempted to just end the post right here, but that’s a bit cheap, since, to reiterate, I’ve composed this article strictly for search engine optimization. So let me discuss the popular, modern-day treatment for disobeying toddlers, “The Timeout.”
I am a fan of the timeout, but I’m only a fan if it will deliver results. At first, timeouts seemed to work. We would yell at our daughter for acting fresh or attempting to slap me in the face or kicking the cat, and then place her in the corner of the room and exclaim, “Don’t turn around.” We’d wait 30 seconds or so and then ask her to discuss what she did wrong. Over time she’s become very perceptive about identifying her offense, the problem started enjoying the timeouts.
Maybe she’s proud that she can identify her wrongdoing or that it gives her more attention, but after placing her in the corner, she started to turn around and smile during the timeouts, which only makes her mother and I more frustrated.
So, again, what’s a Dad to do?
Time to introduce the spank-enhanced timeout. Now, when my daughter stands on the couch after her mother and I instruct her otherwise 8 straight times, or when she sits in her newborn sister’s bouncy chair after numerous verbal scoldings, or starts to bite the rim of the garbage can (again), she gets a few warnings, then I pick her up, walk towards the corner, give her a light, swift smack on the cooly and place her down facing the wall. This seems to sink in a bit more.
Without spanking, timeouts would just be another mind game for your kids to manipulate you and mess with your head.
Just another reason why spanking (within reason) is functional. If you’re spanking your kid because they wake up too early or spill their juice or won’t retrieve you a beer from the fridge, well then that’s not functional. Enough said.
Read posts by Functional Father 1
Sad…this post really suggests to me that this is a less than optimal place to get any sort of parenting advice and information.
I’m with you on that. Done.